What Type of Sex is Okay in a Christian Marriage?

Biblical Guidance on Intimacy in Marriage

As we delve into this sensitive topic, it’s essential to acknowledge that discussions about sex within Christian marriages can be complex and nuanced. This article aims to provide clarity, guided by biblical principles and a pastoral approach, on what type of sex is okay in a Christian marriage.

Please be advised that the content is intended for mature audiences, and discretion is advised when sharing or discussing this material.

The Foundation: The Marriage Bed Undefiled

Hebrews 13:4 sets the foundation for our discussion: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

The Greek word for “undefiled” here means “uncontaminated” and “set apart.” This verse underscores the importance of maintaining the purity and sanctity of the marital relationship.

What is Not Okay: Defiling the Marriage Bed

Before exploring what is acceptable, it’s crucial to identify activities that defile the marriage bed:

1. Adultery: Clearly condemned in the Bible (Matthew 19:9, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, and the Ten Commandments), adultery includes spouse swapping, which is often misleadingly portrayed as acceptable in modern culture.
2. Threesomes: Engaging in sexual intercourse with more than two people, even with consent, is not supported by biblical teachings. Misinterpretations of biblical accounts, such as Jacob’s relationships with Rachel and Leah, do not justify this practice.
3. Virtual Adultery/Pornography: Bringing pornography into a marriage is strongly condemned. It can lead to the destruction of the marital relationship, invites demonic influence, and fosters unrealistic expectations due to its staged and often drug-facilitated nature.
4. Rape: Non-consensual sex, including within marriage, is a grave sin. Misinterpretations of 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 must be corrected; the verse emphasizes mutual satisfaction and service in sexual relationships, not entitlement or force.

Determining What Type of Sex is Okay in a Christian Marriage

When considering sexual activities within marriage (e.g., oral sex, sex toys, different positions), Christian couples should ask themselves:

1. Is the Scripture Against It? If not explicitly condemned, it can be assumed to be permitted.
2. Is This Beneficial? Does the activity harm or help the relationship? (Guided by Apostle Paul’s writings, 1 Corinthians 6:12)
3. Is There Mutual Consent? Both spouses must be comfortable and consenting. Lack of consent makes the activity not okay, regardless of biblical silence or perceived benefits.

Specific Considerations

Oral Sex

• Biblical Stance: The Bible does not condemn oral sex within marriage. Outside of marriage, it is considered sin.
• Guidance: Ensure mutual consent. Reflect on whether desires for oral sex stem from godly intimacy or are influenced by pornography.
• Personal Liberty: Each couple must decide, prioritizing comfort, consent, and the health of their relationship.

Sex Toys

• Biblical Stance: No explicit condemnation or endorsement.
• Guidance: Abstain as the use of sex toys replaces intimacy with your spouse or compensates for dissatisfaction. Examine the heart and the quality of the marriage.
• Recommendation: Couples should consider abstaining, focusing on mutual intimacy and satisfaction.

Anal Sex: A Perverted and Unhealthy Practice

• Biblical Stance: Scripture unequivocally condemns anal sex as a perversion of God’s intended design for human sexuality. Although some may misinterpret certain Old Testament passages, the biblical consensus is clear: such acts are contrary to nature (Romans 1:26-27, Leviticus 18:22, 20:13).
• Health and Safety Concerns: Anal sex is inherently unhealthy and unsafe, posing significant risks to both physical and emotional well-being. These include increased susceptibility to STDs, rectal injuries, and long-term damage to the anal and rectal regions.
• Parallels with Homosexuality: It is crucial to acknowledge that anal sex, whether within heterosexual or homosexual relationships, is a fundamental aspect of homosexual behavior. Engaging in such acts blurs the lines between heterosexual and homosexual practices, effectively participating in a behavior that Scripture and many Christian denominations consider sinful.
• Perverted Sexual Act: Anal sex represents a perversion of the natural order of human sexuality, which God designed for procreation and intimacy between a man and a woman within the context of marriage (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:4-6). Engaging in such acts can indicate a distortion of one’s sexual identity and a departure from biblical teachings on sexual purity.
• Guidance for Christian Couples: In light of the above, Christian couples are strongly advised to abstain from anal sex. If influenced by pornography or other external factors that may have led to considering such practices, it is essential to:
  1. Seek Repentance: Recognize the sinfulness of such desires and seek forgiveness.
  2. Pursue Healing: Engage in counseling or therapy to address underlying issues.
  3. Restore Biblical Intimacy: Focus on rebuilding a healthy, biblically-aligned sexual relationship with your spouse.

Conclusion

Navigating sexual intimacy in a Christian marriage requires a deep understanding of biblical teachings, mutual respect, and open communication.

Resources for Further Clarity

• “The Marriage Bed“: A book on the Christian perspective on sexual relationships, offering valuable insights for married couples.