Should couples use role-play in the bedroom? Trying to act out a sex scene as a different person, or play any role in the marriage bed that does not honor God and His principles is sin. For example, when your husband demands that you act as if he is raping you while having intercourse, or he asks you to scream the same way porn stars do or even act like a prostitute in bondage, it is dishonoring the beauty of the act of intimacy and lowering your worth. That man or woman is undeserving of your love and heart.
What is role-play in the bedroom?
Role-play is simply the act of trying to imitate certain bizarre sexual activities or scenes and playing out your fantasies in the marriage bed. These fantasies may include, forcing your wife to act like an animal especially a dog during sexual intimacy. You are forcing her to do things that a normal God-honoring couple would never think of. Things that displeases her, but for the sake of pleasing you, she consents.
There is this lie that everything you consent to as a couple is acceptable on the marriage bed. This is a lie from the pit of hell. Not all sexual activity is acceptable and honorable, most of it is drawn from lust, fantasies, and pornography especially if your spouse is or was a porn addict. For example, seducing your wife to engage in anal sex, which is unnatural and forbidden, in the name of mutual consent is a sin. Fantasied sin is sin and you can not sugar coat it. Therefore, not all sex positions are honorable, you can read my other article on the 7 best sex positions for a Christian couple here.
God has ordained sex to be a beautiful soul, spirit, and body bounding experience, however, men have perverted its concept. I do not just speak with spiritual authority, but also as one who has experience. I was a porn addict and I understand what goes on in the mind and spirit of a perverted man.
Why role-play in the bedroom is sinful?
Trying to force your spouse to act out your fantasies is depriving them of the genuine love and care they should be receiving from a loving husband or wife. Think of the mental and emotional torture you are putting her in when you force her to act out a rape scene on the marriage bed, or when you ask her to act like your favorite pornstar. What impact does that have on your marriage?
These are things that people find difficult to discuss, but they are happening in most Christian marriages. Since most young couples lack a good mentor and the right information about sex, they often turn to the internet for answers and end up on porn sites. They learn perverted sexual practices and tend to exercise them with their spouse on the marriage bed. This is one of the reasons I am so zealous about creating the right content for Christian couples. Pornography has the effect of bringing strangers on the marriage bed, hence defiling it. It does more harm than you can ever phantom.
Related: How to revive dying love in marriage.
The reason why role-play in the bedroom looks and feels more pleasurable is because of its forbidden nature. People are easily lured into forbidden sexual acts and exploration without knowing that it is intended to destroy their souls. It is the same thing with fornication and adultery. These acts feel so good and satisfying, while in reality, they are dragging you to hell. Stolen waters are sweet.
And to him who lacks sense she says, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol. Proverbs 9:16b-18
Biblical principles on role-playing in the marriage bed.
Sin is not just an act, the actions are a manifestation of what is in the heart. Evil is birthed in your heart and has the effect of destroying your soul. Jesus said it clearly, that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. It is true to say that out of the abundance of the heart and mind, your body and senses act. (Matthew 12:34, Luke 6:45).
The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45
The Bible warns that not even a hint of sexual immorality should be found among brethren. In a like manner, I believe that no hint of sin should be found on the marriage bed and acts of intimacy, as that will open doors for demonic activities in the marriage.
But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Ephesians 5:3
Whoever fantasizes about having sex with another person while they are not has committed adultery in his heart. Sin is the act of the heart. (Matthew 5:28).
Let God be the center of your pleasures and Him alone to be your greatest desire. Love is an act of giving, and hence sexual fantasies do not work on the marriage bed, as they are perverted. I like what John Piper, the author of desire God says. “If you want more pleasure, fulfillment, and lasting marriage, then love your spouse 99% outside the bedroom, and you will be rewarded fully in the marriage bed.” Sex should never be the ultimate goal for any relationship, it doesn’t work.