Oral sex should only be used for the purpose of sexual stimulation, and not as a replacement of sexual organs.
The woman’s mouth should never be used to replace the role of her vagina, but only to initiate or stimulate her husband’s body. While the man’s tongue should also never play the role of his penis to thrust into the woman’s vagina, but rather the man should only use his tongue to initiate or stimulate his wife’s clitoris and not for penetration.
In the same way, a man can kiss his wife on her nose tip, mouth, eyes, neck, breast, and thighs, in a similar manner he is allowed to kiss her genitalia for the purpose of sexual stimulation, not penetration. This is what is right within the confinements of the marriage bed, and nothing else. There are specific organs that are meant for sexual penetration, and the mouth is not one of them.
Most Christians will call you perverted when you bring up the subject of sex. We are accustomed to believing that sexual activity is sinful, while on the contrary, it’s a special gift for a couple (a man and a woman) from God. Yet the majority of Christian couples seek sexual knowledge from the wrong sources such as porn sites. Consequently, bringing strangers and bad experiences into the marriage bed.
The fact that you don’t agree with a concept, doesn’t make it wrong. In the same way, the fact that your pastor does not approve of certain things doesn’t prove them to be sinful. People disagree all the time on unnecessary matters, such as food, clothing, doctrine, and much more.
Is oral sex necessary in a marriage?
No. Most people are not comfortable with it, because of health concerns and other personal reasons. Ask yourself, if the concept had not been introduced to you, would you have ever considered it? And to most individuals, the answer is no. Even though it is not a sin to practice oral sex, it doesn’t make it necessary. If it doesn’t benefit you why try it in the first place?
My best advice is to never do something if you are not comfortable with it.
1 Corinthians 6:12 declares “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.”
The fact that something is not wrong doesn’t mean you should try it. If it hurt your conscience, it is not worth it. For your conscience’s sake refrain from it.
My greatest concerns about oral sex
1). Your source of information
Who introduced the concept to you, and what channel do you draw your information from? To be honest oral sex is introduced in marriages because of exposure to porn. Most people would never have ever known of it if it were not for exposure to adult content.
The type of oral sex most people have been introduced to is perverted, as the source is corrupted. Deep throat, choking, eating, and drinking sperm and cum should never be practiced. These fluids are not meant for the mouth, but for our sexual organs, as they contain the right conditions to handle these sexual fluids.
2). Health issues
When the act is done careless can pose unnecessary health issues. The majority of people are not careful to maintain the kind of hygiene needed to engage in oral sex.
What is oral sex, based on biblical principles?
The Bible doesn’t define oral sex; however, it lays clear principles on human sexuality.
Oral sex can also be defined as any non-penetrative sexual act. It can be done utilizing the mouth only for stimulation purposes or your hand. It is intended for sexual stimulation and it is not the end means. Remember, the greatest sexual organ you have is your brain and not your genitals. This should not be mistaken for any oral sexual activity in adult materials (porn).
Let me set the record clear. Biblical oral sex as hinted in Songs of Solomon is pure and done with the intent of meeting each other’s “honorable” sexual needs. This is different from the distorted and defiled concept of oral sex that people watch on adult sites. To make it simple, anything that disturbs your conscience should never be practiced on the marriage bed, as your heart already rejects it. Seek to outdo each other in showing honor and purity.
Is oral sex allowed in the Bible, is oral sex a sin?
The act of oral sex is intended to ignite intimacy, pleasure, and bonding. You are probably wondering if oral sex is a sin. Here’s the deal: oral sex is not the same as anal sex – as this is forbidden and unnatural, however, it doesn’t mean you have to do it.
In marriage, the sex act is designed to express love, not just in the moment but over time. One of the ways married couples can show their love for each other is to enjoy each other’s bodies.
To find out whether oral sex is sinful or not we have to consider these few biblical principles. Is the act unnatural, is it selfish, is it healthy, and lastly is it forbidden in the Bible?
1. Is the act of oral sex natural or unnatural?
Unlike anal sex, oral sex is natural, and the Bible gives hints of instances where it is practiced in a Christian marriage without defiling the sacredness of the marriage bed.
The book of Songs of Solomon and Proverbs mentions a woman’s breast as the center of a man’s sexual pleasures. Therefore, it is not unnatural or a sin for your husband to be obsessed with your beautiful breasts, or vagina, for sexual arousal.
Song of Solomon 7:7-8
Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine and the scent of your breath like apples…
A lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.
Again, in the Songs of Solomon, there is an imagery of a woman’s body portrayed in chapter 4:12, and verse 16. The garden that Solomon mentions is ‘symbolic of a woman’s body or her genitals’. In verse 12 he says that the garden is enclosed referring to the woman’s purity. In verse 16, it is clear he was talking of the woman’s body, where he goes in to ‘eat’– which means to enjoy- its choicest fruits.
Song of Solomon 4:12
A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed.
Song of Solomon 4:16 [AMP]
 [You have called me a garden, she said] Oh, I pray that the [cold] north wind and the [soft] south wind may blow upon my garden, that its spices may flow out [in abundance for you in whom my soul delights]. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat its choicest fruits.
2. Is it selfish?
No one should force their partner to a sexual act they have not consented to. If her conscience is not okay with this kind of sexual exploration, don’t put her under pressure to do it. Remember, the Bible encourages us to outdo each other in showing honor and kindness (Romans 12:10). Also, be kind to each other.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted…
Consider your spouse’s feelings and consciousness on the matter. Do not act out of selfishness, for that would be considered a sin.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…
3. Is it forbidden in the Bible?
There is no specific verse in the whole Bible that forbids oral sex (specifically oral stimulation). However, using the biblical principle mentioned above, it is clear that the act should be mutual and not forced to consent.
4. Is oral sex healthy?
The act should only be done under strict hygiene. The mouth contains many bacteria, and there might be issues if your partner has an STI, or UTI which is common in women. Moreover, the act should be refrained from during menstruation.
Oral sex is considered a safe sexual activity. The only drawback is that it is not a good idea to brush your teeth right before going down on your spouse’s genitals as that can cause tiny sores on your gum which can increase your chances of unnecessary infections.
Another reason is that fluoride in toothpaste can burn the delicate tissue of the vagina or penis. If your mouth is burning during oral sex, you’ve brushed too soon. You may also want to gargle or rinse with an antibacterial mouthwash. Make it a practice to urinate after the act, to avoid bacterial infection.
How to establish trust and boundaries around oral sex?
The key to having a satisfying, mutually beneficial, and ongoing oral sex experience is to have an honest conversation about what is okay and what is not okay for both partners. It is really about communicating what feels good and what does not, what turns you on, what gets you going, and what you like and don’t like.
Remember, trust is the foundation of any marriage. The same is true for oral sex in marriage. It is important for you to talk about this with your spouse and to find out what is getting in the way.
When to consider oral sex
Oral sex may not be necessary but under some circumstances, it might be helpful. Using your mouth on your spouse’s genitals is not only an act of love and intimacy, but it is also an act of service. If you take the time to consider your spouse’s desires, needs, and preferences, you will find the process rewarding, however, you shouldn’t do it at the expense of your consciousness.
1. When your spouse is disabled.
Life is dynamic and so anything can happen at any stage of our lives. Your spouse might be involved in an accident or become sick rendering him ineffective in the marriage bed. This requires you to be patient as you pray for his/ her recovery.
Meanwhile, you might consider oral sex to avoid the temptation of infidelity. And if you truly care for your spouse, you will help him/ her with his/ her sexual urge, lest you lose her/ him in the long run when he/ she fails to exercise self-control.
2. When you agree on it.
As long as there is mutual consent about the matter, you can consider enjoying the act, it’s pleasurable.
3. When you are too busy to engage in sex.
As a couple, you may find it almost impossible to have sexual intimacy due to unavoidable circumstances within the marriage. A wonderful thing about oral sex is that it is easy to give, and it can be used as a way to connect with your spouse in a very intimate way – even when you are tired or distracted.
Oral sex can also be an important part of foreplay. Although it may be a more intimate activity, it is also something that can be done quickly. Whether you are in a situation where you don’t have much time to make love or you are feeling tired, oral sex can be an easy way to share pleasure with your spouse.
4. To help your wife attain orgasm.
As a loving Christian husband, you might find it a challenge to bring your wife to a climax due to health issues. Because you love her and desire to pleasure her – as love is a matter of giving – you should consider using oral sex to stimulate her genitals for her to attain orgasm. Also, consider dedicating the matter to God for Him to heal you.
5. When your wife delivers a child.
Most men are not able to exercise self-control, and that is the reason why most are married in the first place. In such a case the wife should consider performing oral sex on her husband as she heals.
This will prevent Satan from tempting him to go outside the marriage bed. Even though I would encourage every husband to be understanding and learn to control their vessel with honor. I also understand that not all Christians operate in the same grace.
…but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
…gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them:
How often have you and your spouse sat down to have an honest conversation about sex? Most married people, especially Christians, have never actually sat down to have a conversation about their sexual desires. In fact, many married couples don’t talk about sex with each other at all! It is possible to enjoy a fulfilling sex life with your spouse even if you feel inadequate or inexperienced. Sex is a sacred gift for a couple.