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does God tell you who to marry

Does God tell you who to marry? The answer is simply no. Although some of you may debate over the same based on your personal experiences. Some may think God did show them who they ought to marry. That might be true to some extent, and I will get to that in a short moment. As much as I would want to give you a relevant and ‘accurate’ answer, I won’t misrepresent God’s character to achieve that goal. I have to be honest with all of us here.

Does God tell you who to marry or who your spouse will be?

The answer also greatly depends on the truth of such revelation. Moreover, it must be in line with the word of God. Many ladies have found themselves stagnated in wrong relationships because someone told them that, “God revealed to me that I should marry you.” Just because they had a dream, doesn’t mean it was from the LORD. Most often what people claim to be God’s revelation of their future spouse is always a lie. It is drawn from their minds and not a dream from God. Therefore, it is without dispute that God doesn’t reveal to you your spouse. He only leads you to find the right person if only you seek His counsel.

After Adam accused God of giving him a compromised woman, things have never been the same again. God has given man free will in every aspect of his life, even marriage. Therefore, it is true to say that God does not choose a life partner for anyone. It is our choice to make, however, He is there to give us counsel and direction to make the best decision on whom to marry.

Let me ask you a question. If God was to force you to marry someone how would you feel? God can never contradict Himself. [Romans 3:4]. He can never deprive us of Free Will. By the end of the day, the choice is yours to make. We can choose to listen and obey God’s word in finding a suitable marriage partner or do it our way and suffer the consequences.

God has given us His revelation concerning every area of our lives in the Holy Bible. It describes the character of a good woman (proverbs 31) and even a good man. It also describes God’s will for any marriage and how we can find the right person to marry. How to raise a family and the responsibility of each individual in a marriage or family. If we are careful in obeying and following these principles, surely, we cannot fail. There is always a blessing tied to our obedience to the word of God.

Does God lead you to marry an unbeliever?

Another good example is when the scriptures warn us from relating with unbelievers. [2 Corinthians 6:14-16]. The majority dispute over this text, because they think the Bible is not fair. The answer to that is that God’s Character is not measured in terms of fairness. There is nothing like ‘fair’ with God. He is righteous and just and not fair. Fair according to me means partiality, and it is not necessarily close or equal to justice. God is not partial in His judgment; He is Just and righteous. [James 1:17, Psalms 97:2b].

The reason why God forbids us from marrying unbelievers is the outcomes of such relations. It’s not because God hates them God loves them that’s why He gave His son Jesus as a sacrifice to redeem all of us from our sinful nature. Marrying an unbeliever is like mixing cold water with warm water. It only makes it lukewarm and not warmer. Some may argue that they will ‘change’ their partners. Meaning they will convert them to Christianity. However, the truth is that this will only worsen the circumstances. As the person will feel you are trying to control their life. Remember you are not the Holy Spirit, it’s His work to convict people and not you.

The possibility of the unbelieving partner dragging you down is higher than you leading him/ her to Christ.

Such kind of a relationship can be detrimental to your spiritual life, especially your salvation. This person will be drawing your heart away from God since they are not interested in spiritual matters as you are. Trust me you don’t want to become a victim of Divorce. I am not saying marrying a Christian will assure you of a long-lasting relationship and that you will never experience divorce. I simply mean you will be differing with the unbelieving partner in many areas, especially on spiritual matters pertaining to your salvation.

I am sure you don’t want to put your salvation at stake. For this relationship to thrive, one of you has to sacrifice their spiritual obligations to please the other. In most cases, as the numbers tell us, this would be the Christian. You end up living a carnal life instead of enjoying your salvation. You will not lose your salvation; however, you will not live the life God intended for you to enjoy.

Think of it this way, you are with someone who just merely respects the Bible and God but doesn’t believe in Him or obey Him at all. Is this the kind of life you want to live? Another thing is that God is interested in a holy union that will eventually bring forth holy offspring.

a couple hugging

Does God reveal to you who you will marry in a dream or vision?

Dreams are a special and important part of our Christian walk. It is the instrument through which God speaks to us, warns, instructs, and gives us direction. God does most often speak to us through dreams since we are too busy during the day to hear His promptings.

Some people claim that God showed them their wife or husband in a dream. The question is, did the same God confirm His word to the other partner in a dream too? Well, most often no, which disqualifies the dream as being from God.

However, if you are walking in obedience to God’s word and keeping yourself pure, then God can signal you when the opportunity arises. God gives you spiritual discernment so that when the right person shows up you can be quickened in your spirit to know they are good for you. Then you have to take a step of faith and assert if it was God’s Will by getting to know each other. You should note that this is different from having a dream or vision of your future spouse.

If we truly seek God’s counsel, He places us in circumstances and places where we can eventually meet the right person. The place doesn’t necessarily mean the church; however, the church also provides one of the best platforms to meet and interact with the right person. We therefore ought to commit to God and have full dependence on Him to guide us in the journey of finding our life’s partner.

God doesn’t reveal to anyone their future spouse. I believe in the concept of predestination; however, this is not what it means in this context. Most of the dreams people have about their future marriage partner are drawn from their heart’s desires and minds. This makes them fantasies and not dreams from God. The source is questionable, they emanate from our minds not from God.

A good strategy to discern if a dream is from God is to examine your heart and motives. What was in your heart at the moment or before you received the dream? What was the state/ condition of your heart?

God told me to marry you. Really!!!!

We should be careful about what we see in dreams. There are many demonic spirits dispensed especially during these last days. You should ask God for discernment to distinguish between spirits. Between a dream from God and deception from the enemy. The devil is at work to deceive many to trap and enslave them. If he manages to put you in a bad relationship, he will wreck your life. So, when a person comes to you with this old philosophy that God told them you are the one for them, question their source. It’s an old lie from the enemy. God can’t just send a stranger to you and force you to marry them.

A good relationship should first of all have an element of friendship as much as it is spiritual. You are not Spirits, but humans with feelings and desires and God acknowledges that. Is He not the same God who declares He will give us our heart’s desire if we delight in Him? [Psalms 37:4-5].

Before claiming you received a dream from God, ask yourself this question. Do you have enough deposit of the word of God to receive a dream from Him? Because if God speaks to you, He does so base on His word that has been deposited by His Spirit into your heart.

But God told Hosea to marry Gomer why not me?????

You may also debate that God asked Hosea to marry Gomer, then why not me? Of course, God did ask Hosea to marry a prostitute, but not specifically Gomer. [Hosea 1:2-3] Gomer was Hosea’s choice. The instruction was for him to take a wife of harlotry. God didn’t specify who that would be. He left the choice to Hosea. Please do not distort God’s word to suit your needs. If you like someone please approach them the right way and avoid getting their attention through dreams.

What you should know concerning Dreams about marriage.

Man is a triune being as God created him having a body, soul, and spirit. Dreams can be attributed to three things. One, it might be from the man’s spirit and soul (the emotional part). That is, out of his mind drawn out of his desires and fantasies. Two, it might be from the devil who ‘throws’ lies at us and inspires us to rebel against the perfect Will of God.

A good example of this is found in the book of Job where Eliphaz condemned Job as being evil. He claimed that he had received this revelation from the angel of the LORD. However, we know earlier that God had testified of Job being a righteous man. [Job 1:8]. Thirdly, the revelation might be from God. If God revealed it to you, He must reveal it to the other person. Every dream should stand on the integrity of the word of God. It never contradicts the divine scriptures. [Romans 3:4].


The bottom line is that God doesn’t give you a future revelation of who you will marry. If a person tells you that God showed them you are their spouse, be careful it is a deception from hell.

The Bible calls us to be watchful against those that prey on the innocent by seducing them with false prophesies and dreams. Ladies, if a man comes to you with this old philosophy that God told him you are the one, be sure it’s a lie from the devil. Women are too susceptible to this old trick. The reason is that they have a great yearning for spirituality and in the attempt to please God they are tricked.

We have the liberty to choose whoever we love as our partner, however, he or she must be born again as the Bible forbids union with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Things always go wrong if we insist on our own Will. Seeking God’s Will should always be primal.

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  1. I had a dream that I was in a waiting line to get into a service and a pastor came up to me and a friend in this dream and told me and her “are you and your wife coming inside”? In the dream we both looked at each other with confusion. This was a year ago! I am not attracted to her at all. But many weird confirmations have been happening or so I believe to be happening pointing to this dream being from God. I am tormented daily with the possibility that, that dream was from God and now I have to marry a women I am in no way attracted to and if I don’t I will be out of Gods will and doomed… in your opinion what would you say about my situation ?

    1. Number 1, God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. Secondly, the devil masquerade himself as an angel of light. Thirdly, God doesn’t force anyone to marry anybody.

      The will of God brings peace in your life and not confusion. The dream you had has none of these elements, making it a trap used by the enemy to deceive you and jeopardize your destiny.

      Never make any major or minor decisions in life based on a dream without understanding its meaning and receiving a second confirmation, for in the presence of two witnesses a judgement shall be established.

      This dream is a trap. Ignore it, and enjoy life in Christ.

      I once had such dreams pushed into my spirit but God gave me discernment to know their source. The dreams were pushed by a cultic lady that had a hard crash on me.

  2. Evans Henry says:

    Your comment here…this is awesome bro.
    May God continue using you as HIS vessel. AMEN

  3. Kay Raphael says:

    Interesting article

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