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“Statistics show that subsequent marriages do not work at all.” The rate of subsequent divorce is higher than that of new marriages. Most often, the same issue that caused the previous divorce, is always the same that causes divorce in future marriages if not worked on. We should therefore learn from our mistakes and strive to become better people. We should also avoid justifying our actions and instead, seek forgiveness as we admit our mistakes.
Before considering divorce, one should first consider the lives of the children involved. Are you willing to raise them without a father? You deny them the privilege to ever experience a father’s love or even a mother’s love.
I remember seeing my parents divorce for ten good years due to family intrusion. My younger brother and I were forced to live with my stepdad. Our mother was denied the opportunity to see us or even come close to her baby boys. Blessed be The LORD God because He eventually made a way where there seemed not to be away. Our parents reunited again, only to break up again due to the same issue (family intrusion). Today we live with our mother, it has been a total of 18 years since they first divorced.
Jesus taught that “whoever divorces his spouse and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9, NIV) This statement shows how useless it is to divorce as very few are willing to remain single. Therefore, divorce proves useless and a sorrowful path to tread.
I truly acknowledge that marriage is not easy. Like any other venture, it requires a lot of patience and investment. I also believe that, if we were to extend the same zeal we have on the marital bed in every other aspect of the marriage, then, things would be different.
Finding fulfillment and satisfaction in Christ.
The majority look up to their spouse to find satisfaction but end up more frustrated than before. Your spouse can not offer you satisfaction, for there is in every man an inherent yearning/ longing in their hearts for God. It’s only in Christ Jesus that we find satisfaction and our true purpose (Ecclesiastes 3:11). That’s why it is important for single persons to first be satisfied in Christ before considering marriage, lest they end up marrying out of loneliness and the desire to find fulfillment in another person. These are the same reasons that will lead to divorce.
Love and forgiveness as the foundation of a good marriage.
Every marriage should be built on the foundation of true love, mercy, and forgiveness. We all have flaws and should appreciate that fact and strive to become a better version of ourselves, rather than complaining. Above all, let Jesus be the foundation and ultimate goal of that relationship.
A word of warning
Every marriage or relationship is unique as the two involved are also unique, beginning from their personalities to their character. People’s opinions should not be a gold standard for which to evaluate your marriage. I don’t mean we should not listen to them, but rather there should be a limit to their influence on your marital affairs, at least you end up executing their desire and not that of your spouse. Remember that it is these same people, if unchecked, that end up sowing discord in your marriage.
Family intrusion is a cause of divorce
It has been noted that one of the main causes of divorce is family intrusion. The only way to solve this is by leaving and cleaving to your spouse. By leaving I mean one should do way with every other relationship and prioritize his relationship with his/ her spouse, and be united to become one flesh.
“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24, NIV)
The new couple should always control how much influence each of their family members has on their marital affairs. This is a new family and not just an extension of two families. This should be done with great wisdom, respect, and prayer.
Sex for centuries has been noted to play a key role in divorce, as many have been heard complaining of not finding sexual satisfaction from their spouses. The Bible encourages couples not to deny each other unless they consent for the purpose of prayer and fasting (I Corinthians 7:5-6). Sex should therefore by no means become a reason for divorce since you agreed to the marriage covenant. And whether your spouse is good in bed or not, that should never be a basis on which divorce is justified. If you are lustful, seek deliverance for that sin is never satiable.
Pleasing your beloved spouse should be the main focus. If you Marry thinking that the marriage bed will gratify your sexual appetite, you will be greatly disappointed. The pleasure of the marriage bed has elevated a hundredfold when the couple’s aim is to glorify God through ministering pleasure to each other.
Marriage is not just about sex. It’s true that sex plays a vital role, as it consummates the marriage and brings intimacy, fussing the two to become one. But it should not be what you value the most in the marriage, instead of value your spouse and what you have together. If you married for sex, you are to be pitied the most, and love alone is not enough.
Submit to one another with piety and love, showing kindness and patience to each other. Seek to listen to your partner’s heart desires, and if it is in your capacity, help them fulfill it. Divorce does not work the righteousness of God, in fact, He hates this great evil.
“God hates divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment (his wife) with violence. Therefore, keep a watch upon your spirit that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly with your marriage mate.” (Malachi 2:9-10)