DIVORCE IS NOT THE SOLUTION

divorce

Most people consider divorce in the attempt to find peace and freedom, but end up realizing they have made a wrong decision when it’s too late. Every problem has a solution, but it can not be solved by the same head that created it in the first place. That’s why we should always turn to God for help.

Statistics show that subsequent marriages do not work at all. The rate of subsequent divorce is higher than that of new marriages. Most often, the same issue that caused previous divorce, is always the same that causes divorce in the future marriages if not worked on. We should therefore learn from our mistakes and strive to becoming better people. We should also avoid justifying our actions and instead, seek forgiveness as we admit our mistakes.

Before considering divorce, one should put into account the lives of children involved. Are you willing to raise them without a father? You deny them the privilege to ever experience a father’s love or even a mother’s love.

I remember seeing my parents divorce for ten good years due to family intrusion. My younger brother and I were forced to live with my stepdad. Our mother was denied the opportunity to see us or even come close to her baby boys. Blessed be The LORD God because He eventually made a way were there seemed not to be a way. Our parents reunited again, only to break up again due to the same issue [family intrusion]. Today we live with our mother, it has been a total of 18 years since they first divorced.

Jesus taught that whoever divorces his spouse, and marries another, commits adultery. This statement shows how useless it is to divorce as very few are willing to remain single. Therefore, divorce proves useless and a sorrowful path to tread.

I truly acknowledge that marriage is not easy. Like any other venture, it requires a lot of patience and investment. I also believe that, if we were to extend the same zeal we have on the marital bed in every other aspect of the marriage, then, things would be different.

Finding fulfillment and satisfaction in Christ.

Majority look up to their spouse to find satisfaction, but end up more frustrated than before. Your spouse can not offer you satisfaction, for there is in every man an inherent yearning/ longing in their hearts for God. It’s only in Christ Jesus that we find satisfaction and our true purpose [Ecclesiastes 3:11]. That’s why it is important for single persons to first be satisfied in Christ before considering marriage, least they end up marrying out of loneliness and the desire to find fulfillment in another person. These are the same reasons that will lead to divorce.

Love and forgiveness as the foundation of a good marriage.

Every marriage should be built on the foundation of true love, mercy and forgiveness. We all have flaws and should appreciate that fact and strive to become better version of ourselves, rather than complaining. Above all, let Jesus be the foundation and ultimate goal of that relationship.

A word of warning

Every marriage or relationship is unique as the two involved are also unique, beginning from their personalities to their character. People’s opinions should not be a gold standard for which to evaluate your marriage. I don’t mean we should not listen to them, but rather there should be a limit to their influence on your marital affairs, least you end up executing their desire and not that of your spouse. Remember that it is these same people, if unchecked, that end up sowing discord in your marriage.

Family intrusion.

It has been noted that one of the main causes of divorce is family intrusion. The only way to solve this is by leaving and cleaving to your spouse. By leaving I mean one should do way with every other relationship and prioritize his relationship with his/ her spouse, and be united to become one flesh.

Genesis 2:24
[24]Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. [Matt. 19:5; I Cor. 6:16; Eph. 5:31-33.]

The new couple should always control how much influence each of their family members have on their marital affairs. This is a new family and not just an extension of two families. This should be done with great wisdom, respect and prayer.

divorce

Sex and Divorce.

Sex for centuries has been noted to play a key role in divorce, as many have been heard complaining of not finding sexual satisfaction from their spouses. The Bible encourages couples not to deny each other, unless they consent for the purpose of prayer and fasting [I Corinthians 7:5-6]. Sex should therefore by no means became a reason for divorce, since you agreed to the marriage covenant. And whether your spouse is good in bed or not, that should never be a basis on which divorce is justified. If you are lustful, seek deliverance for that sin is never satiable.

Pleasing the other should be the focus. If you Marry hoping that the marriage bed will gratify your fantasies, you’ll be sorely disappointed. The pleasure of the marriage bed is heightened a hundredfold when your aim is to glorify God through ministering pleasure to your spouse.

Marriage is not just about sex. It’s true that sex plays a vital role, as it consummates the marriage and brings intimacy, fussing the two to become one. But it should not be what you value the most in the marriage, instead value your spouse and what you have together. If you married for sex, you are to be pitied the most, and love alone is not enough.

Conclusion

Submit to one another with piety and love, showing kindness and patience to each other. Seek to listen to your partner’s heart desires, and if it is in your capacity, help them fulfill it. Divorce does not work the righteousness of God, in fact He hates this great evil.

Malachi 2:16
[16]For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence. Therefore, keep a watch upon your spirit [that it], that you deal not treacherously and faithlessly [with your marriage mate].