Relationships can be confusing, even the best ones. It’s normal to question things in a relationship and wonder what the other person thinks. It’s also not abnormal to feel insecure sometimes, even though that can get to the extreme. You might worry about how much your partner likes you or what they do when they’re not with you especially when you are dating.
You might feel like you’re not good enough for them. These are all common doubts and insecurities. If you’re constantly feeling insecure, you might be with the wrong person. If you feel like your partner is holding something back, you don’t have to wait for them to change. It may not be a good fit for either of you.
The best thing to do as a Christian when your relationship is confusing is to pray and ask God for discernment. Ask Him for counsel to make the right decision. If the relationship is affecting your faith, it’s better to quit for your good.
Is Love Supposed To Be Confusing?
Not really, but sadly, to some it most often does. 1 John 4:18 declares, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” From this, we know that perfect love casts out fear, and by the same implication, confusion. True love is pure and absent of doubts. The presence of confusion is a red flag concerning your walk with God in that relationship.
If the relationship creates an environment that induces confusion and fear, then, this is an indicator you are in the wrong place. For God has not given us a Spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and self-control.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 describes the nature of love. Verse 7 states. “Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” If your relationship lacks these qualities, then, it’s time to reassess your life and align yourself in the perfect will of God.
But what is it that makes love so confusing? It’s not just the fact that you’re in love — it’s the fact that life is dynamic. Your partner will change, and you will change. You’ll grow, and your relationship will grow. But the changes don’t have to be bad. They can be good, but they can also be bad. You have to learn how to deal with the bad changes because they will happen.
Is It Normal To Be Unsure In A Relationship?
The question of whether it is normal to feel unsure in a relationship isn’t that difficult. There are many reasons why you might feel unsure in a relationship and it is important to determine whether you should be seriously concerned.
Many factors could cause you to be uneasy in a relationship. This includes:
- Fear of rejection
- Experience of unfaithfulness
- Unforgiveness that has blinded your heart
- A lack of purpose in life, hence looking at the relationship as a way to validate your worth.
- Your family dynamics matter, are you coming from a broken family?
- Living a sinful life, e.g. cohabiting.
- Fear of the future
The Bible clearly states, “for God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33)
Ask yourself, are you yielding to the Holy Spirit and His counsel? If you are in a relationship with an unbeliever, then, that’s the problem. 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, states;
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said, “I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16
Come out of that dark situation into the light of God’s glory. remember, in God’s Will nothing goes wrong, trust in Him and be a doer of His Word. (James 1:22)
“Therefore go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:17-18
If you’re constantly feeling insecure or jealous, you might be with the wrong person or you are the problem. And most often, you are the problem.
Think About What Bothers You About Your Relationship
Many things could make you uneasy in your relationship. The first thing to do is to think about what bothers you. For example, maybe your boyfriend/girlfriend is being dishonest with you.
Or you feel like your partner is not listening to you or not giving you enough attention. Maybe your partner is not the same person you started dating. Perhaps you have different interests now, and you are just not into the relationship anymore.
Related: Online dating vs traditional dating.
What Are The Sources Of Your Discomfort?
First and foremost, you should try to understand what these sources are and whether there is any sense in worrying about them. Because, often, the source of discomfort is in our imagination. For example, the fear of a partner’s infidelity may grow into a serious anxiety disorder. When this happens, a person can be tormented for years, constantly suspecting their beloved of being unfaithful.
It’s important to try to understand why you started worrying in the first place. Did something trigger this feeling? Did your partner say something? Did they do something that seemed strange to you?
Many people are confused about their relationship when they shouldn’t be. They feel that their relationship is not as it should be, but they do not know how to explain it. Often, people cannot tell what is wrong with them. Sometimes people say that they feel uncomfortable with their partner, but they do not know what it is that makes them feel uncomfortable.
So how do you know if you are uncomfortable with your partner? Here are some signs that you may be uncomfortable with your partner:
- You are always suspicious and distrustful.
- You are not happy with your partner.
- You feel bored and want to get away from your partner.
- You cannot communicate with your partner.
- You feel bad and wrong when you are with your partner.
If this is your circumstances, then you need time off to work on yourself, and on your worth in Christ. Rember you are worth the price that was paid for your redemption, Christ.
Reasons That You May Be Tolerating Your Current Situation, And How To Deal With Them.
This article is for those who have been in a relationship for a while but don’t know whether they are in love or just in a relationship. You are afraid of your partner for some reason, but at the same time, you don’t want to break up with him/her.
This can be quite confusing and you may wonder how you ended up in such a situation. Well, I know exactly how you feel because I was in the same situation once and it took me a while to figure out what was going on.
The solution is to yield to the prompting of The Holy Spirit and liberate yourself from such situations. Remember what I said about your worth. Don’t stay in sin for grace to abound. Christ has called you to freedom and peace, why yoke yourself?
Don’t worry about your future, for it is God’s pleasure to prosper you and not to harm you, He has a better plan to give you hope (in hopeless situations) and a bright future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Your responsibility is to take delight in the Lord, and He will grant you your heart’s desire. (Psalm 37:4-6)
Why Do I Keep Questioning My Relationship?
Perhaps, it’s because you don’t trust due to past experiences, you were not ready for love, the relationship is not meeting your expectations, and probably you are not sure of what you want in life. This can be due to the following;
1. Emotional Baggage
Emotional baggage is simply defined as the collection of feelings, thoughts, and patterns of behavior that we carry around with us throughout life. The main reason behind emotional baggage is usually a sense of insecurity. The person is never truly sure if they will be able to maintain the relationship that they are in, and therefore, they are always on their guard to protect themselves from getting hurt.
If you had a heartbreak previously, it is wise to heal first before diving into another relationship. It will only make things worse. Take your time as it is the master healer of all deep wounds. And work on your insecurities.
When you first started your relationship, you probably weren’t thinking about all those little things that could eventually turn into something bigger. You didn’t know you were already carrying around emotional baggage from your past. You didn’t know it would make your relationship more difficult in the future.
However, it’s important to be aware of the things that could become issues in the future. How do you handle your relationship when problems arise? Do you make your partner feel guilty? Do you hold things in and bottle up your emotions? Do you stay quiet and hope it goes away? Or do you talk to your partner about how you’re feeling?
2. Your Gut Feeling (The Prompting of The Holy Spirit)
If you ever find yourself in a relationship that makes you feel uneasy, your gut is likely to be the reason why. As a society, we’ve been taught to ignore our instincts, but when it comes to relationships, it’s something you should listen to. Having a gut feeling about something or someone can be an important warning sign that something isn’t quite right. Your gut feeling is God’s Spirit trying to tell you something.
In Proverbs 20:27, the Bible states, “The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of his being.” God speaks from your heart (which is your spirit). Learn to listen to His voice and His promptings, and you will never fail in anything you do.
Related: How to respond to a breakup.
How Do You Stop Overthinking In A Relationship?
It’s normal to be worried about your partner’s behavior, but anxiety can ruin relationships if you’re not careful. If you have ever been in a relationship, you know that it takes a lot of work to keep it going. When you are faced with uncertainty, you tend to overthink everything. It’s natural to question your partner’s feelings, but you need to recognize when your thoughts are irrational.
The Bible gives us the perfect strategy to overcome worry. Philippians 4:6-7 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
We are assured that when we cast our worries and fears to Him, His peace will garrison our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
You may be in a relationship and everything seems to be going well, but then you start questioning if your partner is cheating on you. You might think that your partner is going to leave you for someone else. You may think that your partner is going to go to jail, or that they are going to die. These are all irrational thoughts and if you consider each of them for a moment, you can realize that they are not true. Just be realistic.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
A good example is that of Martha as described in Luke 10:40 “But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” I love Jesus’ response to her “But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42
Jesus pointed out that her complaints about her sister were an excuse for anxiety about life (as she was anxious and troubled about many things). Perhaps this could be your case.
How Do I Know If I Am With The Right Person?
The first thing to do is to understand what you need in a relationship. Many people don’t know what they want in a relationship, so they end up being unhappy.
Your relationship with Christ is the determining factor. Since you entered this relationship, are you growing in grace and drawn closer to God than before, or have you backslidden and become lukewarm?
Again, the person must be a committed Christian, why yoke yourself with an unbeliever and expect different results? (2 Corinthians 6:14-18) You are deceiving yourself! (James 1:22b)
Above all, love is a choice. Therefore, make the right decision regarding your partner. When you yield to the leadership of The Holy Spirit, He will direct your steps;
The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way; though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand. Psalms 37:23-24
Don’t be in a relationship with someone just because they are a Christian, you need to be attracted to the individual and enjoy their company. Be with someone that motivates you to be what God says you are.
When Should You Break Up?
The decision to end a relationship is never easy and it will always have consequences. There are no perfect relationships, however, you need to understand that even if it is “perfect” there will be things that you don’t like about it.
Many people stay in relationships they know they shouldn’t, while others jump out of perfect relationships.
After reading the above sections, you should have made up your mind. Is it worth staying in that relationship (We are not talking about marriage)?
When the relationship doesn’t serve your call to separate yourself to God, then, it is obvious it’s time to let go. (Further reading: 1 Peter 2:9-10, 2 Corinthians 6:17-18, 2 Timothy 2:22, 1 Corinthians 7).
