Sexual sin has the effect of destroying a once beautiful relationship. It brings with it the intense feeling of guilt and broken trust. We live in a world where sexuality is all around us and it’s often more easily accessible than we realize. Putting more marriages at risk of infidelity. Sexual sin is a heart issue. Many people choose a lifestyle of presumptuousness because they believe they can justify their sinful nature by abusing the grace of God.
Sex is an important part of every marriage, but it can also be a destructive part if things go wrong. When sexual sin is involved, the relationship or marriage is automatically changed forever. There’s nothing that can stop that. Trust is broken and the relationship is distorted. It tears down the joyful anticipation of a shared future that is no longer possible. It makes us feel alone, hopeless and abandoned. It is a wound that is hard to heal. It separates us from others and God.
According to statistics, a staggering number of Americans have said that they have cheated on their partners at least once in their relationship. Studies show that this number is as high as 60%. While not all these are physical, that is not to say that these people are not hurting. Anyone can fall into sexual sin, hence take no confidence in your flesh but in Christ who can keep you holy. (Jude 24).
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
What is sexual sin?
Sexual sin is a broad term. It encompasses actions as well as thoughts. Nearly all sin is sexual sin. Sexual sin is any action that is performed with the intent of causing sexual arousal, whether it be between a husband and a wife or a stranger. It is also any action that leads to sexual arousal and is not within the confines of a marriage relationship.
Again, sexual sin is also an act of selfishness and self-centeredness. Sexual sin is a violation of the commitment to love and respect, of the commitment to the other and to the future. Sexual sin, because it is so profoundly personal, has the effect of destroying the fabric of relationships and the sacredness of the marriage.
Sexual sin is not limited to acts of adultery or fornication or masturbation. It may also involve the failure to meet the sexual needs of another, or the use of another to meet one’s own sexual needs.
The effect of sexual sin on marriage.
Sin is one of the greatest enemies of mankind. But it can often be the hardest enemy to defeat. Sexual sin is no exception. It can lead to a wide variety of consequences, depending on the sin committed, the type of sexual sin, and the relationships involved. Sexual sin will destroy your life, your family, and your health. Sexual sin destroys marriages and destinies.
Most of us have heard of the “seven deadly sins” describe in proverbs 6:16-16. These are the same sins that Paul said would destroy a person’s spiritual life. The sins are gluttony, greed, sloth, fornication, adultery, envy, pride, and anger.
Paul also taught that if a person does not overcome these sins, he/she will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Two of the deadly sins are fornication and adultery. They are sins because you betray your spouse or break the covenant of sexual purity before marriage.
The effect of sexual sin on a relationship before marriage.
Fornication also brings guilt and broken trust in a relationship. It is an offense against your bodies which are a temple for the Holy Spirit. When you are in a dating relationship, it is important to protect your sexual purity. Resist the desire to engage in sexual activity with your boyfriend or girlfriend. God has a plan for your life, and that plan does not include having sex outside of marriage.
The Bible declares in proverbs 6:32-33 that he who commits adultery or fornication destroys his soul. And as a consequence, wounds and dishonor will he/ she get, and his/her disgrace will not be wiped away.
When you fornicate, you are yoking yourself with a man or woman with who you are not yet in covenant with. This in turn tears down the joyful anticipation of a shared future that is no longer possible. No matter how much you love each other, the wall of self-control has been torn down and nothing can restrain you anymore from ending up in a relationship that may lead to infidelity. If it has happened in your courtship, what will prevent the same from happening in the future when you are married. That’s why you need to deal with your heart now, for it is deceitful above all things. [Jeremiah 17:9].
If you have already engaged in sexual activity with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you may feel as though you have ruined your relationship. However, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend can work through this challenge. You can still reconcile and live under grace, but trust me things will never be the same again. Your partner will never view you as they did before because you broke their trust and defiled their purity.
How to resolve sexual sin in marriage?
It is so easy for people to fall into sexual sin. When people are in situations that are outside of the norm, they tend to react in awkward ways and out of character for them. The guilt and shame felt afterward can be devastating and so is the damage done to their marriage. Few people can get rid of this on their own. However, there is forgiveness available to those who are willing to confess their sin and ask for the forgiveness of their spouse and God. Christ Jesus forgives those who are truly sorry for their sin.
Ways to restore broken trust in a marriage.
When you are in a relationship with another person, you are bound to make mistakes, and your partner is bound to make mistakes as well. But at the end of the day, what really counts is how you handle those errors. The mistakes themselves do not matter as much as the attitude that you have towards them.
The key to a successful relationship is not just to not make any mistakes, but to also know how to handle them when they do happen. Learn to admit when you are wrong and apologize. When you apologize to your partner, it shows that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions, instead of denying the mistakes that you made. If you are the type of person who is more prone to make mistakes than your partner, you should also learn to be more accepting when your partner apologizes for their mistakes.
Work on building your broken trust through forgiveness. One of the most common reasons for a divorce or separation is a breakdown in trust. It’s ironic because the very foundation of a relationship is built on trust and without it, the relationship quickly collapses. According to a national survey, 57% of women and 48% of men say the loss of trust was the main reason for their divorce.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should trust your partner immediately, rather it is choosing to put aside your mistakes and focus on healing. Your partner has a responsibility to win your trust back, and that takes time, sometimes a long time depending on the nature of your relationship and the extent of damage caused.
What could have been done to avoid the sexual sin?
As the old adage goes, hindsight is always 20/20. We have the benefit of looking back on our mistakes and seeing what could have been done to avoid them. If we are wise enough, we can learn from our mistakes and walk into the future with our eyes wide open.
We can learn what to watch out for, and how to avoid the mistakes of the past. Sexual sin is one area of particular vulnerability for many people, but it is a mistake that can be avoided. By examining the warning signs in our relationships that led to sexual sin, you can learn what to watch for in your relationships going forward.
If the cause of infidelity was due to your partner’s loss of interest in sex which was putting a strain on you, you should communicate your needs openly and find a way forward. It is a sin to deny your partner his/ her conjugal right as you are instigating his to find sex elsewhere, making it easy for the enemy to tempt both of you. If you want to save your marriage make sex available for your spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
For those dating, please set clear sexual boundaries in advance. Avoid being alone in a closed room, don’t kiss as it will bring an unnecessary feeling of arousal. And lastly have an accountability partner who is present.
Related: Is kissing while dating okay?
The Bible urges us to guard our hearts, and fill them with the word of God. This way the eyes of our spirit will be enlightened and our desires will also be inclined to please God and not our sinful nature.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
We are also encouraged to resist sin, for temptations are common to all men all over the world. Hence you should master it and resist the inclination to carnal desires.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
Lastly, if you are a porn addict, it’s time to quit. Porn will destroy your soul, distort your concept of sex, and destroy your marriage.
Why do we need to talk about this in the church?
Most often, the church leadership doesn’t want to be involved in these matters. It is vital that as a church we should have a well-established channel where couples can find counsel and emotional support. The majority of people in the church are hurting and broken within, only that they don’t know how and who exactly to reach to or trust.
Most Christian youths are into porn which we very well know destroys relationships and their souls. These people need help to break free from this demonic bondage.
What are the common causes of sexual sin?
Sexual sin is usually a result of a personal battle with temptation and sin. It can be hard for a person to recognize the sin in their lives, and even harder to defeat them alone, call one Jesus He is able to save you. The common causes of sexual sin are as follows;
- Porn addiction.
- A sinful and rebellious heart.
- Temptation due to denial of conjugal rights and a lack of sexual boundaries.
- Availability of sex due to the use of contraceptives.
- Presumptuousness as most people lead a careless life. Hence abusing God’s grace.
- A lack of awareness that sex before marriage is a sin.
- A wicked education system that teaches kids to masturbate from a young age makes it difficult for them to exercise self-control. Sex education is a disaster and a curse to this generation.
- Cultural practices that encourage sin, polygamy, and other weird sexual practices.
- The media through normalized sexualized advertisement.
- Social media platforms are pervaded with all forms of nudity.
There’s a reason why the Bible takes sexual sin so seriously, and it’s because the results are so devastating. It leaves a feeling of emptiness and a longing for comfort from the one you thought you could trust the most. And worst of all, it leaves a feeling of hopelessness. It leaves us feeling as though we will never be able to be forgiven or redeemed.
Fortunately, we have a God that is able to heal broken relationships, restore broken trust, and redeem us from the feelings of guilt and hopelessness. He is our refuge, comfort, healer. And most of all, He is our redeemer. He will restore your marriage, He will restore your family, and He will restore your life. Just trust in Jesus Christ.
If you are still in sexual sin, please know that you can come out of it. You can turn away from your sin and be restored and healed. Jesus can heal the brokenness, shame, and guilt. The only thing you have to do is turn to Him and ask. He is faithful and loving and will help you to the very end.