The realization that your spouse is a porn addict is really heartbreaking. You feel defeated, and broken, and even lose faith in your spouse and the love you had for each other. He/ she has broken your trust and acted selfishly, putting at stake your marriage and every investment you have made in the relationship.
As a wife, you begin thinking you are not good enough for your husband, you are not beautiful enough, you don’t have what it takes to please him anymore, and many similar questions burden your heart and mind with all terrible possibilities.
I want you to know that you did not contribute to your spouse’s condition. It is he that chose that path and it has nothing to do with you. Also, there is nothing wrong with you or your body. Your spouse has to take full responsibility for his sinful and shameful actions.
Porn is terrible as it breaks down beautiful marriage foundations and destroys souls. I am writing this from experience, as I saw what this evil did to me and my relationship.
Steps to restore broken trust in marriage due to porn addiction
- Forgiveness and prayers are not enough to restore broken trust in any marriage. The first step is for the addict to admit that they have a problem that is not only affecting them but their loved ones as well.
- The second step is opening up to your spouse. The results may be terrible, but it’s worth it rather than keeping it to yourself. You need your spouse’s support to battle this giant. Isolation only worsens the matter, as you are not accountable to anyone.
- Thirdly, you need to take full responsibility and through fervent prayer and support from your spouse and friends, propose to win this battle. God is faithful, and if you are willing and determined, He will help you out.
Don’t expect much from your spouse, especially in her trusting you sooner. You have to win her trust back and that takes time and effort on your part. Trust is earned and not demanded.
Her forgiving you is not a gesture that she will trust you anytime soon, and that is not selfishness; it is called being realistic. Do you know that watching porn is the equivalent of having an illicit affair outside the marriage bed? Remember, porn invites strangers into the marriage bed and hence defiles its sanctity.
The affected spouse should not be hard or harsh on her husband or his wife. Instead, she/ he should show emotional support and be willing to go the extra mile to help her/his partner overcome. Hence, saving their marriage. Porn is not a men’s issue; it is a female issue too.
It should also be noted that different people have different recovery rates depending on the extent of exposure. Personally, I had been exposed to porn since grade six. I struggled with it till after campus despite being born again and serving God faithfully.
It had to take time for my mind to get rid of all the thousands of thousand porn videos I had been exposed to. God by His grace helped me through and eventually, I overcame it.
I used to fill my mind with the word of God which consequently replaced all the filthy memories of porn in my mind and heart. And God gave me a new heart and desire for Him which was greater and stronger than my inclination to pornography.
