Today, by the grace of God I have decided to share my testimony publicly of how I was delivered from sexual perversion; bestiality and pornography. It was not an easy decision to make, as it has taken me years to decide to finally open up. I know this testimony may affect my life, my career, reputation, and everything I value. However, after evaluating the risk, I am willing to open up. As long as it will bring one soul to Christ, then it’s worth my own life and reputation.
I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. Romans 1:16
The act of having sex with animals is very common than you think, especially between women and their dogs (pets), and also between men and beasts. Most people have had these perverted encounters from childhood.
What does the Bible say about sex with animals?
The act of bestiality is highly condemned in the Bible and its penalty is death by stoning. ( Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 18:23, 20:15-16, Deuteronomy 27:21). Having sex with an animal is an abomination and destroys a man’s soul. (Proverbs 6:32-33). If not for the price Jesus paid at Calvary for my sins, today I would be a dead man according to the law of Moses. But, blessed be Jesus Christ who ransomed me from my sins. His mercy has triumphed over His judgment and rescued my soul.
Mercy triumphs over judgment! James 2:13b
No one of us can cleanse himself of his transgressions. The guilty will eventually destroy you, even though you try to cover your sins. Scriptures are clear, that if we continue hiding our sins, God will expose them, however when we choose to repent, then He the living Father will cover them up through his mercy. (Proverbs 28:13).
He rescued me because He loves me.Psalms 18:19b
The first time I practiced bestiality, was between classes 7 and 8. I had sex with different animals for some months, however not daily. By then my parents had divorced for around 9 years and I was living with my stepparents in upcountry.
We were previously living in Mombasa before the divorce and continued living there for a few more years with my stepparents. It happened that my stepparents had been watching porn in secret. So, one day after school, as it was usual I took a video CD to play the latest movies. This day it happened that l picked the wrong CD. By then I was in grade 6 and an innocent child.
When I played the video CD, I was shocked to see naked people. Imagine the shock a child experiences. The CD contained an hour-plus gang porn video. Due to curiosity, I could not stop watching as I wanted to know what it was about. That is where my trouble began. It became a routine, and every day after school I would look myself in the house and replay the same porn video.
From there I developed weird demonic habits. I started to sneak on women while they were in the bathroom. I tried to stop but could not. My situation started worsening, and surprisingly no one noticed. Porn ruined my life from childhood and I became demonic-possessed. All this was a consequence of divorce. That is why I hate divorce with my whole heart.
Related: Divorce is not the solution.
A year and a half later, we went bankrupt and had to move upcountry. My stepdad had married a young girl who mistreated us and she was the cause of the bankruptcy.
How I began practicing bestiality as a child.
It shows be noted that the act of bestiality was not only fueled by porn but also witchcraft. There is a spiritual implication behind the scenes. The family we used to live with, was known to practice witchcraft and other crazy African traditions. The women in the extended family were famous for being witches. I know this to be true since I have always had dreams of these people performing witchcraft by casting spells and drawing the triangle of witchcraft. Another proof is that I was not the only victim of this sexual perversion, others in that family were caught up in this bondage. However, I can't mention anyone without their consent.
At upcountry, I used to take care of livestock and feed them in the forest. Then I became fascinated with their mating behavior, and due to the defiled state of my mind, I began having sex with these animals. My mind was already pornified. What else could you expect a lonely, disturbed child to do?
This then became a routine as I could regularly have intercourse with different animals. I happened to experiment with four different animals for a while and lusted after a fifth one, thank God I never touched it, it could have destroyed me to the point of no return. Where we were living I used to face rejection from my step-grandma, claiming that I was an illegitimate child. This worsened my situation in this God-rejecting family.
I always felt like an outcast and at the same time depressed due to my parent’s divorce. I was that child who lacked his parent’s attention, affection, and love. It denied me a normal life, and could not relate well with anybody. To this very day, I still find it challenging to relate with others. That’s the impact divorce, porn and bestiality had on my life.
When and how did it feel the first time I opened up?
I first opened up to my girlfriend back on 27th May 2019. In my heart, I felt that I was not ultimately sincere with her by keeping this secret. I know that some things are better off when kept hidden forever. However, that is not how God intended me to act. After a great deal of assessing the risks and prayer, I was ready for disclosure. I did not know what to expect of her, I thought this would be a deal-breaker for her to quit the relationship, but she did not. She instead treated me with love and showed me mercy as she had been broken herself. (2 Corinthians 1:3-6).
The second time, I disclosed the matter to my mother and her response was full of love and kindness. This was what gave me the strength and courage to share even more. The third time, I shared with a friend who in turn disclosed that he was a victim of both porn and bestiality. And the fourth time, I shared my testimony in the Christian Union while in my fourth year on campus. By then, we were just a group of 3rd and 4th years in the school compound.
I had been requested to minister, but could not find a better message to share. I inquired of God through prayers, and He then prompted me to share my testimony, of what He had done for me.
The first time I opened up, it was not easy, I felt as if the world was crashing on me as I unveiled myself of this burden. I confess I faced condemnation but found the grace to overcome it. (Romans 8:1). My belief is through this testimony many will turn to God and accept His gift of salvation. (John 3:16-17).
They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Revelation 12:11
My struggle with pornography.
I have struggled with porn for as long as I can remember, Oh God. It has had devastating consequences on my spiritual, physical, and, mental health. Even though I quit watching porn I can still feel the impact it left behind and it’s something I will have to work on for a lifetime. Getting all those millions of nude photos and porn videos out of my mind will take time. I have realized that the more word of God I take in, the more of those dirty memories fade away.
Remember, I have been watching porn since childhood, hence it has changed my perception of love, marriage, and sex. I thank God I am free today and can live a normal life.
As I was growing up I would always find myself excluded from everyone. We were raised by a young stepmom who abused us and denied us the opportunity to interact with other kids, so we grew in isolation. I believe this created the perfect environment for the addition to thrive.
Even though being a grown-up today, I still find it extremely difficult to interact effectively with others, this is the curse that my upbringing had on me. To some extent, it might be a blessing.
When I tried interacting with people, they most often took advantage of me, either they were there for my money or other motives. I tried relationships with ladies but led to a dead end. Nothing was fulfilling. Maybe I was the problem, and am always ready to take responsibility for my foolish actions. That’s how dangerous child abuse and porn can do.
Even much worse, after everything is said and done, by the end of the day I was always left with porn as a consolation. Porn sites were the only place I could go to get some fake comfort, and this went on and on for years. By then, I was just a recent convert and had little knowledge of who God was and what He is capable of. Thank God, He eventually came through for me, despite everything.
My obsession with lesbian porn videos.
I consumed too much porn to the extent I felt nothing, it wasn’t exciting anymore. Then I tried all the hardcore porn but did not work too. At this point I was on the verge of no redemption, thank God He still came through for a wretched man like me. At the climax of this crazy existential journey of pleasure, I found myself most fascinated with lesbian porn.
There was something crazy about it, I don’t know what. I would spend hours lost in this fantasy. I never understood why the ladies opted for it, but it seemed to be more pleasurable since it is a perversion. Oh, boy I was lost. I tried to create a utopia, a world with no struggles, or any heartbreak but was not successful in my pursuit.
"Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" Proverbs 9:17
Who do I blame for my struggle with porn and perversion?
Most people tend to blame God for every bad thing that has ever happened to them. In my case I blame no one, I believe God allowed this for a greater purpose that I can not even phantom. (Romans 8:28-30).
I don’t blame my reckless stepparents. Sometimes I feel like I should but it doesn’t help at all. However, most problems are contributed by parents’ sins. In my case, my stepparents thought they were enjoying watching porn to learn new skills, little did they know they had opened a door for all forms of demonic attacks and oppression. Their lust contributed to my misery. One man’s sin destroyed my childhood.
What is the relationship between porn and bestiality?
There is a relationship that exists between porn and bestiality. One thing leads to the other. Moreover, your environment plays a critical role in establishing this relationship, as the act of bestiality is prominent in rural areas where there is livestock.
The law of the land and culture can to a great extent promote this practice. For example, in 2016 the Canadian supreme court passed legislation that allowed people to sexually relate with their pets, without involving any penetration. This was a catastrophe and a bad joke. Thank God that in 2019, this law was amended and all forms of bestiality are now illegal in the country.
Did I enjoy the act of bestiality?
Well, the answer is no. Remember, I was a disturbed and pornified child and I just did it to relieve myself. I had never had sex; meaning I was a virgin. I can’t believe I lost my virginity to an animal, this is insane. I had never had any sexual experience before, and therefore I can not say I enjoyed the act. Can’t even tell how it felt.
How I was delivered from sexual perversion.
My life was changed when I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior on 13th Feb 2011. Jesus changed me and began a transformative journey with me. He gave me a new identity and purpose. By then, I was in class 8. The act of bestiality did not stop immediately, however, as I continued seeking God, the bondage was broken and I was finally set free that very year.
Salvation is a journey, and so is deliverance. Some habits don’t just break away immediately, but as you continue listening and committing to the Word of God, your heart and mind eventually transform.
Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ. Romans 10:17
I broke off from bestiality, however, it took me a couple of years to break from pornography. Through my salvation journey, I have experienced the grace of God and His unconditional love and mercy. That is why I am more than willing to share my story.
I am not yet perfected, as I am still running the race of salvation to attain the goal; Christ Jesus. There are things I am still working on such as anger and how to effectively relate with others. (Philippians 3:7-14).
How pornography and bestiality affected my life.
These sins have had severe consequences in my childhood and adulthood. The following were some of the effects.
- They affected my concept of love.
- Affected how I relate with others.
- Opened a door for spiritual spouses in my life who tormented me at night. I even once slept with a huge cobra snake in a dream.
- It almost destroyed my mind with my addiction to porn.
- I was always suicidal.
Why I am sharing this?
My motive is to encourage those who are victims to not give up for there is hope through Christ Jesus. He is willing to forgive you and love you unconditionally. He alone can ransom you, that is why He shed His precious blood for your life because you are special to Him.
But God demonstrates his love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
No man can redeem the life of another or give to God a ransom for him. The ransom for a life is costly no payment is ever enough. Psalms 49:7-8
If you have never committed to following Jesus, then you are not late today is that day. Repent your sins and you will receive mercy. (1 John 1:8-10). God is able and willing to save you if you allow Him. Please do not harden your heart. (Hebrews 3:7-8).
Repeat this simple but powerful prayer. Say, “Lord Jesus I confess my sins to you and ask for your forgiveness. Cleanse me and make me whole through your blood. I amend my ways and receive you in my heart to be my Lord and savior. I put my hope, faith, and trust in you Jesus, to save me. Amen.
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
God can change your story and identity. He did it for Rehab and Mercy Magdalene. From Rehab the prostitute to Rehab the righteous and from Mary Magdalene the harlot to Mary Magdalene the favored and blessed.