Dating can be a complex and challenging process, especially for Christians who want to honor God in their relationships. In this article, we will explore the insights shared by a married couple with over 12 years of experience, on how to date according to the Bible.
We will discuss the importance of finding love in Jesus, the four principles of love, and how to apply the analogy of finding the perfect pair of shoes to finding the right person to marry.
The Foundation of Christian Dating
Before diving into a relationship, it is crucial to find love in Jesus. When we have experienced the love of God, we are better equipped to share love in a relationship. Dating and marriage should not be where we first find love, but rather where we share the love we have already found in our relationship with God.
- God’s Love Comes First: Before seeking love from another person, it’s essential to find security in God’s love. This forms the basis for all healthy relationships.
- Walk in Love, Don’t Fall in Love: The Bible encourages us to “walk in love” rather than “falling in love.” This implies a deliberate choice rather than an uncontrolled emotional response.
- Be the Right Person: Instead of focusing solely on finding the right person, work on becoming the right person yourself. This involves growing in your relationship with Christ and developing godly character.
- Love is a Choice, Not Just a Feeling: While emotions are part of love, biblical love is primarily a decision to care deeply for another person, even when feelings fluctuate.
Four Principles for Christian Dating
We will use the analogy of buying shoes to illustrate four key principles for Christian dating:
1. Both Shoes Must Match
In dating, this principle applies to two crucial areas:
a) Gender
- The Bible teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman.
- While same-sex attraction may be a struggle for some, Christians are called to identify with Christ rather than their temptations.
b) Faith
- Scripture warns against being “unequally yoked” with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).
- Dating non-Christians can lead to significant challenges and heartache.
- It’s also important to consider doctrinal compatibility within Christian denominations.
2. The Shoes Must Fit
Just because someone matches in faith and gender doesn’t automatically make them the right partner. Consider these factors to determine if a potential partner “fits” you:
- Maturity of Friends: A person’s close friends often reflect their own character and maturity level.
- Approval from Trusted Loved Ones: While not the only factor, the opinions of mature Christian friends and family should be considered.
- Kindness to Close Relations: How a person treats their family and close friends is often indicative of how they’ll treat you in the long run.
- Consistency: Be wary of individuals who change their behavior significantly depending on who they’re around.
- Pursuit: In general, men should take the initiative in pursuing the relationship.
- Comparison: A partner who constantly compares you to others or their “ideal” may not be the right fit.
- Trustworthiness: Trust is foundational in any relationship. Be cautious of secretive or evasive behavior.
- Respect: Look for signs of respect in communication and treatment of others.
- Actions Matching Words: Consistency between what a person says and does is crucial.
- Secure Faith in God: A strong, unwavering faith is important for weathering life’s challenges together.
- Self-Security: An insecure partner can lead to significant relationship challenges.
3. Go to the Cashier (Don’t Rent)
Once you have found someone who matches and fits, the next step is to commit. This means pursuing marriage, not engaging in sexual activities outside of marriage. Postpone sex until marriage, as it is a gift meant to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage.
This principle emphasizes the importance of commitment and avoiding premarital sex:
- Dating should have the goal of marriage, not just fun or physical intimacy.
- Avoid “renting” through practices like cohabitation or premarital sex.
- If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, consider moving towards marriage rather than prolonged dating.
4. Repair, Don’t Return
Once married, the focus should be on repairing the relationship rather than seeking divorce:
- While there are biblical grounds for divorce (such as adultery or abandonment), these should be last resorts.
- Seek reconciliation, forgiveness, and professional help before considering divorce.
- In cases of abuse, separation for safety may be necessary, but divorce should not be the immediate option.
Additional Dating Advice
- Avoid Missionary Dating: Don’t date non-Christians with the hope of converting them.
- Be Patient: If you’re not ready for a relationship, it’s okay to “sleep” on dating for a while and focus on personal growth.
- Seek Godly Environments: Attend Bible colleges, Christian conferences, or church events to meet like-minded individuals.
- Maintain Purity: Avoid physical intimacy before marriage to honor God and protect your heart.
- Seek Counsel: Don’t be afraid to ask for advice from mature Christians or pastoral leaders.
Conclusion
Dating according to the Bible requires us to first find our identity and security in Christ. Dating as a Christian requires intentionality, wisdom, and a commitment to honoring God in your relationships.
By following these biblical principles, you can navigate the dating process with integrity and set a strong foundation for a God-centered marriage. Remember, the ultimate goal is not just to find a partner, but to glorify God in your relationship and grow together in Christ.
