Should you divorce a man who defiles your daughter? Fathers should be people who their daughters adore and can trust, and love, and who make them feel safe and not afraid. But many fathers have broken their daughters’ trust and made their lives a living hell. Those who were meant to protect have turned out to be the devourers.
Child defilement is a common headline in society today. However, it should be noted it’s not a new phenomenon, but is as old as the civilization of mankind. Cases of fathers sleeping with their daughters are recorded in scripture. We are told Lot’s daughters made him drunk and laid down with him [Genesis 19:30-38].
This practice was common among the Canaanite communities. We know this to be true as God warned His people Israel from such practices in Leviticus 18, as these were the detestable practices of the Canaanites. Whom God drove before them.
Women who have been defiled by their fathers find it hard to speak out openly as it is shameful and will affect their families and reputation. This fuels the practice as no one goes punished for their cruel actions. Consequently, fathers continue taking advantage of their daughters as they please.
The following may instigate child defilement;
- Alcoholism, even though it is not an excuse by any means, and action must be taken.
- Porn addiction fuels weird and perverted sexual desires and lust. Pornography has different categories: hardcore, gang, lesbians, and many more. The worst of them is the perverted family category where a man takes advantage of his daughter while his wife is asleep or in other videos the man penetrates both the mother and daughter at the same time. Porn addicts most often end up practicing these scenes with their family members or even entertaining the thought. Who knows what they will do in the future if they are not delivered from the addiction?
- Myths about virgin children having the ability to cure certain ailments such as HIV.
- Perverted traditional practices such as early marriages.
What the bible teaches on defiling your daughter and child defilement generally.
The holy scriptures condemn child defilement, as it defiles the sacredness of the marriage bed and ruins the life of an innocent child or person. The victim isn’t necessarily a young child, it might be a teenager. In most cases, it is a teenager or even a mature person.
There have been cases of fathers taking advantage of their married daughters. Hence ruining their marriage and life as a whole.
“None of you shall approach any one of his close relatives to uncover nakedness. I am the Lord.” Leviticus 18:6 ESV
“You shall not uncover the nakedness of a woman and her daughter, and you shall not take her son's daughter or her daughter's daughter to uncover her nakedness; they are relatives; it is depravity.” Leviticus 18:17 ESV
Most men defile their daughters giving the excuse they are not their biological fathers. This usually happens when a person marries a woman who has a daughter. The man then takes advantage of both the mother and daughter. that’s why women should be very protective of their beautiful daughters and report such incidents in case they happen. Keeping quiet worsens the situation. I know many people can relate to this.
Then, should you divorce a man who defiles your daughter?
This matter is more spiritual and emotional as much as it is physical. Think of the torture your daughter has endured and the shame she will bear for the rest of her life. Will you continue staying with an abusive husband in the name of ‘pleasing God’ so that grace may abound? Of course, no. Wake up from your slumber.
You should consider separating any man who has defiled your daughter or even intends to do so. It’s your children’s life that is at stake here. You should not allow anyone to ruin that. If divorcing him means life, health, and safety for your children, then it is worth everything.
The abuse is not just physical, but mental and emotional as well. This is damaging and many can relate to this. I know the word sorry can’t heal those wounds. May God heals you, only He can. People have no idea what kind of damage and impact defilement has on any child or woman.
Should you divorce a pedophile?
According to the law of Moses a man who violets his daughters deserves death, hence he is dead. (Leviticus 18:17, 20:12).
He has acted as an unbeliever and you should have nothing to do with him. For it is written “separate yourself from them” (2 Corinthians 6:14-18).
The man has failed as a father and a husband, and it is no longer safe to continue staying with him. If a man who fails to provide for his family is considered an unbeliever, how much more is a father who violets his daughters?
The man who acts in such a manner rejects the teachings of Christ and is not different from he who has denounced his faith. He should therefore be treated worse than an unbeliever, for even unbelieving fathers honor their daughters.
In this case, since according to scripture the man is dead, you are free from the covenant of marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:39).
Jesus taught that “whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.” (Matthew 18:6)
Do you think Jesus will want you to continue living with a man who destroys your daughters’ lives and cause them to stumble? NO!
But you might ask, what if the man repents? Rarely do they (pedophiles) admit their crime, they live in denial for many years, continuing to endanger the lives of your daughters.
The aftermath of child defilement
Having to live with this shame makes it difficult for any woman to consider sex as a holy and enjoyable thing. It changes their perception of love, sex, and even marriage. They can never have a stable life or marriage unless they get spiritual, mental, and emotional help. Sexual abuse drains everything out of the victim, making it almost impossible to connect with others. It leads to suicide. How do you live with such pain and shame?
Examples of victims of sexual assault
One of the famous examples is Joyce Meyer a pastor. She openly shares her story in most of her sermons. She was abused since she was young until she was 18 years old. She went through it all and it almost destroyed her life. But Jesus changed her story. He healed her and gave her the grace to forgive her abusive father.
How can you heal from sexual abuse /rape?
I can give you examples of quick fixes, but that won’t help you much in the long run. The following will.
The first step is to open up to someone you can trust. Even though there are very few of such kind, as many are not willing to be involved in ‘this mess.’
Keeping it a secret only poisons you from the inside out and eventually, you become suicidal and of a bitter soul. I confess it is not easy to open up, but it does help, silence does you more harm instead. There is the fear of being judged and condemned, but that should not hinder you from seeking help.
The greatest and best advice I can offer is to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior. He alone has the power and ability to heal your heart, soul, and body. He alone is the embodiment of truth and love.